WIDE BERTH

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing they demand a closer look. Here is Update’s seriously twisted moment this week.

For the first time since 1990, no wide receivers were selected in the first round of this weekend’s NFL Draft. If it sounds ominous, that certainly was the case back then.

The pickings were slim that season. The Dallas Cowboys used the first pick of the second round (26th overall) on Auburn wideout Alexander Wright. He combined to catch 33 passes in his first three NFL seasons.

Two picks later, the New York Jets drafted West Virginia’s Reggie Rembert, who then sat out the entire season with a contract dispute.

The best of the bunch turned out to be third rounders Fred Barnett (Arkansas State), picked by the Eagles, and Ricky Proehl (Wake Forest), a Phoenix draft pick.

Each had productive rookie seasons and NFL careers. But what does that mean moving forward, fantasy fans?

Stay away from rookie wideouts come August? That’s the smart money. Don’t be surprised if Devin Thomas holds out or Jordy Nelson and Aaron Rogers don’t hook up immediately.

If you want to gamble on a rookie wideout, think sleeper. Andre Caldwell anybody?

–JASON MOLINET

NFL DRAFT FEMALES

You’ve got questions and Answer Gal has the knowledge:

With the NFL draft scheduled to go off this weekend at Radio City Music Hall in New York City, football fans have plenty to be excited about. But as the first round gives way to the second and you realize you have over an hour until your team picks next, here’s a little bit of fun you can have to divert yourself and kick the boredom blues. There are five types of women that attend the NFL Draft. See if you can spot them:

1. Usually dressed in a Sports Fans’ “Sunday best”, face paint and all.
2. Possibly spotted tailgating prior to the draft on the sidewalk of 6th Ave.
3. Easily recognized by the onslaught of drunken cheers / rants which will occur throughout each and every one of her team’s selections.

1. Wearing her normal garb.
2. Possibly spotted nodding off in the balcony or on her iPhone, complaining to her girlfriend about how her “Die Hard Sports Fan” took her to the NFL draft instead of Hairspray.
3. Will be looking at her watch every few minutes, counting down the seconds until she can leave Radio City.

1. Typically wearing her man’s college jersey.
2. Possibly spotted comforting and consoling her guy when he falls from his expected draft position.
3. Easily distinguishable from “Gold-Digging Girlfriend” (see below), due to her simple hair cut, basic pair of jeans and her genuine smile when Draftee gets selected.

1. Usually sitting behind the wives / girlfriends.
2. Bawling when her son is drafted and receives the requisite comfort from the draftee’s proud and beaming father.
3. Says the rosary while she impatiently waits to hear her son’s name called.

1. Wearing her best Gucci handbag, with hair and makeup perfect for the camera.
2. Spotted cursing and ranting when her man falls from his expected draft position.
3. Easily recognized by her gratuitous on camera close-ups.

Rebecca is a New York based entertainment and intellectual property attorney, an agressive fantasy player and an avid Knicks and Jets fan. Got a question for Answer Gal? E-mail her at: answergal@fantasysportsupdate.com

On the Clock

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing they demand a closer look. Here is Update’s seriously twisted moment this week.

Bill Parcells and the Miami Dolphins are on the clock. The NFL Draft is nearly here and there still is no consensus of who the Fish will select with the first overall pick — if they pick at all.

After months of speculation, we are no closer to knowing Miami’s draft day plans than we were after they locked up the um, honor, by virtue of a 1-15 season.

That’s right, when Commissioner Roger Goodell walks to the podium and declares this draft open come Saturday in Midtown Manhattan, what follows next is anyone’s guess.

There are holes everywhere along the Miami depth chart, exactly what you’d expect from a team coming off its worst season in franchise history.

Will the Fins trade down? Take a franchise quarterback? Select a rush end? Pick an anchor at offensive tackle? Or maybe a wall of a defensive lineman? Who knows?

But everyone has a stake in the outcome. What Miami does will have an obvious trickle down effect on the entire draft.

After months of hinting at taking one of the Longs (Virginia’s Chris or Michigan’s Jake) — either choice filling a glaring need and considered a safe return on the investment — The Miami Herald columnist Greg Cote this week called on the Fish to show some courage and take the player who could help turn around the Dolphins most dramatically.

Namely, Boston College quarterback Matt Ryan. And I agree. Miami has never had the luxury of picking first. This is no time for conservative play calling. Go out and grab a guy who could answer the one question that has lingered hauntingly over the franchise since the 2000 season.

Who will replace Dan Marino? Who indeed.

Ryan is no sure thing. But he’s already considered better than Miami’s penciled in starter John Beck (a second round pick in 2007) or free agent pickup Josh McCown (a journeyman at best).

The last regime in Miami lasted one season. And their biggest perceived gaffe was passing on another franchise quarterback in Notre Dame gunslinger Brady Quinn at No. 9.

Don’t make the same mistake twice, Big Tuna.

This franchise and its fans need a leader and posterboy, someone to hang Super Bowl hopes upon. And no lineman, no matter how dominant, can deliver on this promise the way a highly-touted quarterback can.

That makes Matt Ryan the only choice on draft day.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

As citizens of the United States, we enjoy several important civil liberties that we often take for granted (i.e. freedom of speech and freedom of expression). Unfortunately, from the moment a Collective Bargaining Agreement is entered into, a player in the NFL sacrifices many of those civil liberties.

Team owners met last week to discuss many potential changes in league rules, including a possible ban on long hair flowing from a player’s helmet. Like many appearance-related rules, this one is stirring up controversy among those players and supporters thereof who believe long hair is a statement of who the players are as individuals, and is thus protected by the United States Constitution. Famous recent examples of the league’s chilling effect on the First Amendment include the fines for uniform altering (Chad Johnson’s “Ocho Cinco”) and various touchdown celebration regulations. Are the owners slowly but surely eliminating individuality within the league?

Supporters claim that the rule is safety-related and would prevent a player’s name and number on the back of the jersey from being obscured for the benefit of the referees. Those oppossed think this rule is just another way of controlling the NFL “product” — as if the owners not only controlled the teams, but also the players themselves. The implementation of a rule like this may just be taking ownership rights too far.

As a member of the long haired population, I couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to be brought down by my hair. However, players who choose to allow their hair to hang down from the back of their helmets are obviously aware of this risk and have disregarded it. In my opinion, if Troy Polamalu is brave and / or stupid enough to continue to wear his hair down, even after Larry Johnson used it as reigns, let him suffer the consequences. If you want to wear your hair long, do so at your own risk. Maybe after a few chunks of it are ripped out in battle, a long-haired player will re-evaluate his decision and tuck it up.

Rebecca is a New York based entertainment and intellectual property attorney, an agressive fantasy player and an avid Knicks and Jets fan. Got a question for Answer Gal? E-mail her at: answergal@fantasysportsupdate.com

Rookie Mistakes

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing they demand a closer look. Here is Update’s seriously twisted moment this week.

There’s a fine line between fantasy experts and fools. Take, for example, rookies. Many fantasy baseball insiders and so-called “experts” touted Cameron Maybin as the sleeper rookie of this year’s draft. The 20-year-old Florida Marlins phenom was supposed to be the secret weapon that would separate well-studied GMs that had done their homework from the pack and ensure a quality roto season. Those experts and GMs that landed Maybin must be feeling the backlash now. Maybin was sent to Class AA Carolina after going hitless in his final 18 at-bats this spring to finish with an unserviceable .190 batting average. Talk about a wasted draft pick. This guy was going as high as the 11th round in some drafts — a pick most owners would love to have back. Sure, he’ll make it back to the big leagues at some point this season, but by that point he’ll have been long lost to the waiver wire and up for grabs to everyone in your league. So, next season think twice about over drafting and grabbing the “next big thing” before his time is due. Sure, you may get lucky every once in a while. But more often than not, you’re going to look foolish shuffling your roster at two in the morning the night before Opening Day.

Deal Gone Bad

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing they demand a closer look. Here is Update’s seriously twisted moment this week.

The Dallas Mavericks bold acquisition of Jason Kidd at the trade deadline this year has raised some eyebrows. Owner Mark Cuban & Co. were hoping Kidd would be the player to push them over the top. Instead, the Mavericks are just 9-8 since the trade and have yet to beat a team over .500 with Kidd in the lineup. So, what’s the problem? For starters, the Hall-of-Fame ready point guard is averaging just 8.4 points with his new team. Jason Terry has struggled to adapt to Kidd’s style at the point, and the team has been relying heavily on the aging Jerry Stackhouse to provide offensive punch. Dirk Nowitzki — last season’s MVP — suffered a bad ankle sprain on Sunday against the San Antonio Spurs. He’s out of the lineup indefinitely, and though nobody’s mentioning it much, the Mavs are in danger of missing the playoffs. They’ve slid to the seventh seed, where just 1.5 games separate them from ninth place Golden State. How did a team that won 67 games last season fall on such hard times? Cuban better start worrying because Kidd isn’t getting any younger and time is running out. One thing’s for certain: if the Mavericks don’t make the playoffs, the Jason Kidd blockbuster will go down as one of the worst trades in NBA history.

Best of the Best

Answer Gal: Super Dilemma

Dear Answer Gal,

Dear Hopelessly Devoted,

I feel your pain. I’ve read about 100 blogs on this exact issue and I can tell you, you are not alone. As our team has fallen into the realm of the forgotten New York teams, Jets fans everywhere are confused, disappointed, disgusted.

I’ve contemplated not even watching the game, but I’ve withdrawn that idea, as it can’t even be an option. My love for football has convinced me that my inevitable off-season football withdrawal will hit me harder if I give up the last football game of the season because of a bitter attitude.

The fact of the matter is, if you were a fan of ANY other team, the answer would be simple, root against perfection. Cheering for the underdog is an extremely attractive option for other fans. But unfortunately, our situation makes this a much more complicated question.

The question is, who do you really hate more? Sure, the Pats are division rivals and they are constantly handing us our asses on a large red white and blue platter, but in this case wouldn’t you rather the Superbowl champion be the team expected to win? They always win, what’s one more?

Your allegiance should also depend on whose fans surround you. If you are like me and are constantly surrounded by obnoxious Giants fans who will never let you hear the end of it if they not only win the Superbowl, but also takedown the 18-0 Pats in the process, then you just can’t hope for a Giant win.

So many people have asked me, as a New Yorker, how could I root against the Giants in a situation like this? My answer is simple, I’m a Jets fan, I will never root for the Giants, even if the Jets disbanded and ceased to exist. I’d sooner be a Patriots fan (after I jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge). Its just unethical in my eyes.

So my answer is this, you really can’t “root” for either team. What you can do is watch the game in shame and pray for a Patriot win (but definitely keep it to yourself) just so you don’t have to begrudgingly be surrounded by a sea of happy Big Blue fans come game end.

Don’t feel bad for the Giants either. The overwhelming nationwide hate for the perfection of the Patriots outside New England will surely push a few fans in New York’s direction.

Rebecca is a New York based entertainment and intellectual property attorney, an agressive fantasy player and an avid Knicks and Jets fan. Got a question for Answer Gal? E-mail her at: answergal@fantasysportsupdate.com

Hitting the Jackpot