‘Stache Housed

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It’s over. Jason Giambi has finally shaved his infamous mustache after going 0-for-3 and slumping in July. Giambi’s reasoning: “There’s no more hits in it.” But if one goes deeper into this story, a difference of opinions may be the real culprit behind the shave.
 
Giambi’s ‘stache had developed into a cult icon of its own, prompting Yankee fans and mustache aficionado’s everywhere to embrace the sweaty facial accessory. In fact, there were even whispers that the ‘stache was in talks to start marketing and advertising a slew of new products, including pi-Stache-io nuts and ‘Stache potatoes. There were even rumored discussions of a new superhero film entitled “Stache Gordon.” All of this seemingly created a friction between Giambi and his lip brush, one that seemed destined to lead to a split.
 
Sources close to Giambi reported that he resented the ‘stache, claiming its rampant partying, non-stop womanizing and inflated ego had been wearing down on the quiet Yankee first baseman. A separation clearly was necessary, so Giambi took the necessary steps to rid himself of the follicled foe.
 
So what’s next for the ‘stache? Nothing good it seems. Once word got out that it would no longer get the exposure of being a part of the New York Yankees, interest waned as folks began to realize, “Wait, it’s just a moustache.” Apparently, its career (much like itself) has gone down the drains.
 
As for Giambi, only time will tell what he will turn to in order to kick up another hit streak. Will it be the flame-emblazoned golden thong?  Perhaps a new-fangled no-shower policy?  We’ll just have to stay tuned.

 

–CHRIS STARBONELL